Fuck the state, but i need my meds too.

What does it mean to be a disabled inexperienced anarchist living in Canada?

______>>>>> Giving back to the community… as long as you can take care of yourself 

Which community?

>The community that accepts me! ! ! ! ! ! !

Me inside of me

Unknown but known problems

Cold Governance.


——————-That isn’t anarchy thats conformity.

In a world without rules would you accept this medicine if you could create it?
Its and interesting concept, creating medicine for yourself and others like you. I would give myself autonomy over my own well being. Now that i properly understand the process of medicating to remove psychosis and then tapering down.
If i could grow lithium crystals i would. If i could have the chemicals to create Abilify i would.
Why do you feel like you have to give back to the community, what else do you do?







“I disrupt community at the same time. My very existence is anarchy. Not owing allegiance to any but myself. My existence is labeled as an affront to society. I am someone that has to be controlled. For the good of the community. But what is the good of the community, and why am i apart of your community? If i am not accepted by your community? Why am i still apart of it. You force your nationalistic patriarchal roles on me! And i accepted them for a while, until I was no longer accepted by the community that i sought to be apart of.” -Jillian K

Between these places i seek to hide

My true self i only abide.

And in the end i fucking lied

To myself, and to them.


This concept of them has been apart of me for a while. It started with my parents thinking of my parents as them, these beings that controlled my very nature. They were my caregivers, and supports, Yet molding me into the image of a needed role for their society. When i first expressed interest in Anarchy, they quickly distracted me onto another topic. They changed to mean corporations, the rulers, the illuminati as some would say. They became unknown, terrifying and powerful. Perhaps this is only the experience of those who had lived with capitalists their whole lives. Mind you moderate capitalists who supported social security nets for the poor and disabled, and health care for all. And when their kin became disabled at least from a medical point of view they finally understood that this money they eared was not for people with dependency problems, In turn it was for people trying to reject the reality around them. My own delusions in which i have telepathy and the drugs i used to silence but abilify later my own subjective souls of people i have become close to these voices are apart of me now, and if i treat them with respect, and consent, we live harmoniously.. My parents now understand that addiction and mental illness created this social net. Mental illness is a leading disability. Some recover some don’t. I dare not comment on the fact that when i was living on the streets of Toronto for a few months. That my mental illnesses got worse. I lacked structure. The medical community has alot to say about structure in one’s life for both ill and not ill. They.. there’s that blasted they coming back, that they of community that they of understanding more than you. One has a choice to put their own faith in this system. A system only works if the working parts work harder for those who cannot. The system at least in Canada does not seem to abandon people as much as our Neighbors in the south. Still though we imprison some, ostracize others from our society and communities and thus they make their own. We have a right to a safe community.


I seek to transform

I don’t know what i once was

But I plan to learn

All that i can,

About the world around me

From path, present, future, and prophetic dream.


But what if those who are in power are abusing the society?

Lock them in prisons that they have created, or do we outcast them from the society that we are shaping. Left to fend for themselves. It is not my place to talk about the suicide risks of having an affluent life, and then losing it all. But perhaps it is. When one has everything they need, and some of what they want. When i left home i was happy for a while. Just talking to myself and understanding the people around me. I made a few friends and a few people i was wary of. I wouldn’t consider them enemies i don’t know if i could in my manic state. I was more angry at the world. They these gods and goddesses above had changed my identity on me, and made me lesser. Was it karmic retribution or reality in revolution. No it was my own egotistical elitism looking finally as myself through a medical lense and the labels finally applied. Oddly enough because i had stuff to do, i didn’t want to kill myself. It was only when i was taking from the community.

Those abusing their power in our society the society that we are each part of willing or unwilling must be stopped. They should have harder lessons to be learned. They should be subjects of restorative justice in their own lifetimes. This is an interesting concept because the real way that people being to understand this concept of understanding poverty which for the most part is what they SHould be trying to remove. Poverty as in uneducated and in need for basic survival. Something people in Canada have a good chance of avoiding by not all get by. Why can’t they remove poverty? Is it because of the anarchist revolution that we do not want to be taken part of it. [I cannot comment at this time] But from what i learned from my father is that simply because Capitalism in its state is not effective enough to properly protect and foster the people at what cost would it be to do this. Harness more natural resources from other planets, exterminating life on other planets, going to war and endless war because we want everyone to feel secure. Is this the correct action. That is what i would like the understand from the tower. What is the goal is there a goal. What seems to be the interesting way to harness the people look at me speaking like i hold power. I blame my upbringing. I speak from a patriarchal father that i unwittingly copied through misinformed choice – all my life. And supportive mother making me into a strong man. But i reject their concept of a strong man. For i was quite weak. I was often scared of the stick but chased the carrot. Receiving neither in the end. As I worked my way through school i understood that many people had a different life. That race changes everything this systemic oppression of people we have tried to fight, and yet still all i can say is that i am not that voice.

Flander Fucking Fields

Under the corpses

To few worms much

Between the crosses

The birds sit with hunch

We do not love you they sing

Death and hatred to mankind they sing.

As the worms munch on our corpses

As the birds wait for the rains.

Emotional rains tied to emotions of folk

These outlets into community

The corpses munch nothing now

The worms squiggle through their brains

They Wiggle upwards


Are eaten by the birds.


A Submissive Capitalist’s Guilt.

There is only the nothing.

There is only everything.

And in the end.

Nothing will be everywhere

And everything will be nowhere.


Pisky little peckerings

Oh how i love you

my soul leaps with glee

and i wonder what you will make of me,

Ha i laugh, now in my ponder,

A charade by a copy cat

No more then a created symbole

made entwined in red.


Summary: The rational that an anarchist cannot take money from a capitalist society because they are contributing in this society does not bode well with me. I will have to further understand this concept and look in it. But in the meantime i would like to for those anarchists who do not want to take medicine for they feel that it would make them weak, or are being controlled. Or that they are not being their true self. I would ask them to look to their own communities see how people react to them. Can they handle you? Can you handle you? Or are you going to hurt someone? And remember that someone could be you. Look at it this way if you give a glommy 3 dollars and per goes and buys a beer and splits it with his friends would he be at least alleviated from this distress? If a capitalist gave 100 million to addiction and mental health research would that person think they helped? Are these two things different? Do not regard the amount of money but the ratio between incomes. 3 dollars is a moderate sum, three dollars when i had nothing was at least something to jingle in my pocket. Or a coffee from the good place in the psych ward.


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